Day 23

To fix or not to fix, that is the question.

While I ponder that dilemma, the beautiful yarn will remain not becoming the garment I dreamed it would be – nor will it be anything other an an unfinished project.  How sad for it.  How sad for me.

I am stuck.

What makes this so hard to resolve is that it will take quite a bit of time to un-knit that which has been knit to fix that which is troubling me.  It is easier for me to just say – “ah – no one else will see it” because they won’t.  Other than knitting juries, no one really pays that much attention to this level of detail.  But I will see it; I will know. I’m afraid if I don’t go back and fix it, I will hate the garment for the very boo-boo I refuse to fix.  In essence, I will hate myself for not fixing it. And this garment will become the pariah of my closet – and I will never wear it.

I am stuck in the grief cycle.  Ok, hyperbole again, but that is where I am – on a teeny tiny scale.  I learn best in miniature.

Shock, quickly followed by Denial is the first stage:  When the piece wouldn’t sew together evenly, I un-sewed and began again.  Hmm.  I unsewed and resewed again. (repeat once more).  Still lumpy.

Anger follows:    Was the pattern wrong?  They sold me the wrong kind of yarn for this project!  That is $120 worth of yarn – it most certainly should be returnable – and what about all the time and effort!  Hmmmph!

Bargaining soon follows:  Well, maybe if I try to turn this over, maybe I can use a little more yarn here; maybe no on will see it – maybe I could crochet around the lump.

Depression is next (this is where I am, if you didn’t already figure this out):  I hate knitting.  I’m never knitting again.  I don’t care if that yarn rots in the closet (side note:  these stages are not linear.  At any given time, one can jump – in a star pattern – from one to the other.  This last comment is a side trip to Anger.)  I’m a terrible knitter. (and we’re back to Depression.)

Acceptance (where I’m yearning to get to in my dilemma):  Ok, drag out the Knitting Book.  Oh – look!  There’s where I went wrong!  I can repair the boo-boo – it was just a knitting mistake – all is not lost.  The repair will take a little time.  We can do that.  I won’t be able to wear it this weekend, but it will be beautiful when it is done.

So at the moment, I am stuck in the Depression stage.  I know I will to get to the Acceptance stage at some point – acceptance may be sacrificing the whole lot as a burnt offering (Anger).  But probably not. It may take a few side trips to Anger, Bargaining and Denial to finally exit the maze of Depression to Acceptance.   But it will happen at some point:  I will tire of the angst.  Then I will stop.  And when I do, I am likely to hear the goddess calling me out of the maze.

I’ll keep you posted.

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About Cherylann

I live a patch-work quilt of a life filled with Family, fiber, flowers, birds, books, psychology, spirituality. Not so much with: cooking (I can do it, I don't like it), gardening (overwaterer, underwaterer: everything eventually dies) :)
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2 Responses to Day 23

  1. Rae says:

    If you are gonna learn to knit, you are gonna learn to rip. A wise woman told me this. It is not always the easiest advice to follow. ❤

  2. caganci says:

    Amen! Thanks for reading – and commenting ❤

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