To fix or not to fix, that is the question.
While I ponder that dilemma, the beautiful yarn will remain not becoming the garment I dreamed it would be – nor will it be anything other an an unfinished project. How sad for it. How sad for me.
I am stuck.
What makes this so hard to resolve is that it will take quite a bit of time to un-knit that which has been knit to fix that which is troubling me. It is easier for me to just say – “ah – no one else will see it” because they won’t. Other than knitting juries, no one really pays that much attention to this level of detail. But I will see it; I will know. I’m afraid if I don’t go back and fix it, I will hate the garment for the very boo-boo I refuse to fix. In essence, I will hate myself for not fixing it. And this garment will become the pariah of my closet – and I will never wear it.
I am stuck in the grief cycle. Ok, hyperbole again, but that is where I am – on a teeny tiny scale. I learn best in miniature.
Shock, quickly followed by Denial is the first stage: When the piece wouldn’t sew together evenly, I un-sewed and began again. Hmm. I unsewed and resewed again. (repeat once more). Still lumpy.
Anger follows: Was the pattern wrong? They sold me the wrong kind of yarn for this project! That is $120 worth of yarn – it most certainly should be returnable – and what about all the time and effort! Hmmmph!
Bargaining soon follows: Well, maybe if I try to turn this over, maybe I can use a little more yarn here; maybe no on will see it – maybe I could crochet around the lump.
Depression is next (this is where I am, if you didn’t already figure this out): I hate knitting. I’m never knitting again. I don’t care if that yarn rots in the closet (side note: these stages are not linear. At any given time, one can jump – in a star pattern – from one to the other. This last comment is a side trip to Anger.) I’m a terrible knitter. (and we’re back to Depression.)
Acceptance (where I’m yearning to get to in my dilemma): Ok, drag out the Knitting Book. Oh – look! There’s where I went wrong! I can repair the boo-boo – it was just a knitting mistake – all is not lost. The repair will take a little time. We can do that. I won’t be able to wear it this weekend, but it will be beautiful when it is done.
So at the moment, I am stuck in the Depression stage. I know I will to get to the Acceptance stage at some point – acceptance may be sacrificing the whole lot as a burnt offering (Anger). But probably not. It may take a few side trips to Anger, Bargaining and Denial to finally exit the maze of Depression to Acceptance. But it will happen at some point: I will tire of the angst. Then I will stop. And when I do, I am likely to hear the goddess calling me out of the maze.
I’ll keep you posted.